This Intentional Life


Live Date: June 15, 2020


Show Description: One thing that resonated deeply in the episode with Jen Hatmaker was the conversation around adult friendships and the search for a best friend. Heather received countless messages about how this specific topic is a pain-point for so many women. So, Heather’s digging into this topic today. At 44-years old, Heather is well-aware how lucky she is to have strong friendships in her life, but she’s missing that best friend – that ride or die friend. That 2 am friend. The one that you go shopping with at the drop of the hat. The one that you text and call every single day. The one that knows your deepest secrets and what’s happening at all times. The one whose kids are growing up with your kids. In this episode, Heather talks about mourning the loss of friendship, lowering expectations, stepping forward boldly, doing some self-reflection of your own, building deep, meaningful connections, and remaining positive while you search for your BFF.  


Link to Full Episode


Biggest Takeaways:


  • If you take nothing else away from this episode let it be this: you are not alone. Our biggest need as humans is to be connected. If you are on the hunt for connection and friendship, please know that so many other people are looking for that too. 


  • It’s up to us to do the work to find this type of relationship. We need to take actionable steps. So where do we start? Here’s what Heather is doing



    • Say it outloud: Simply telling people you are looking for a best friend is a great place to start. Open up about this struggle with those in your life that you trust.




    • Name someone that may fit this role: Think about the people in your life that you could build this type of relationship with and explore that. It may not work out, but it’s a place to start.




    • Stop feeling sorry for yourself: We can’t just wallow in these hurt feelings. Look at what you have already in your life and be grateful. Celebrate what you have right in front of you. 
    • Search for ways to meet new people: Find people and organizations in your community that allow you to meet new people and build community. And, don’t be afraid to ask to be included. Volunteer. Plan double dates. Join a Bible study or small group. Join groups online. If you are new in a city, ask friends from other places if they have friends in your town that they can introduce you to. Even knock on your neighbors’ doors to introduce yourself.  




    • Be the invitation: Reach out and ask people to join you too. Be bold and make the invitation yourself. 




    • Self-evaluation and reflection: Ask yourself if you have the potential to be someone’s best friend. Look inward to open up a new perspective. Ask: What am I doing? What vibe am I sending off to other people?




    • Manage your expectations: This is so hard but so necessary. Lower your expectations  This will help you avoid resentment. 




    • Prayer: Pray for this journey and ask others to prayer specifically about this for yourself. 





  • “So, what do we do? It’s not enough for me to just bring this subject up and us to connect about it. We must take control. We can’t sit around and wait on a best friend to show up on our doorstep. We must take the necessary steps to find her.” – Heather Adams 9:48


  • “At the end of the day, I believe all we really want is to be invited. We just have to be bold, and step forward, and ask first.” -Heather Adams 18:50


  • “If I ask myself ‘am I that person for anyone? it’s opening up an entirely new perspective that’s not solely dependent on my feelings. This is a great time for self-reflection. Am I giving off a vibe to all my great friends that I wouldn’t pick up the phone if they called me at 2 am. This shows I’m not blaming others. I’m taking personal responsibility and having an honest dialogue with myself.” – Heather Adams 18:40
  • “I’ve got to change the narrative in my head. Self-talk here is critical to us remaining positive.” – Heather Adams 22:09 


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AUTHOR: Maddie McGarvey
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