Episode 25: Raising Boys, Fighting Fair & Prioritizing Marriage with Heather and Matt Adams
Live Date: Monday, September 21, 2020
Show Description: We have something fun for you…Heather’s partner-in-crime and love of her life, Matt Adams, is on the show today! As they celebrate their 17th anniversary, Heather and Matt talk about how they met, parenting as teammates, prioritizing their marriage and relationship, instilling grace and Jesus into their boys’ lives, dating the boys, navigating hard seasons with kids, how to fight fair, and lessons learned from quarantining as a family, and so much more.
- As parents, it’s so important to carve out time for your marriage. Matt says this is the best thing they’ve done for themselves through seventeen years of marriage – continuing to prioritize their relationship. This commitment is so healthy for the boys to see and so good for Matt and Heather.
- Heather talks about another good step they took as parents – counseling with David Thomas of Daystar. This helps them be proactive about the boys and reminds them that what they are going through is normal for all parents. (If you haven’t listened to David’s episode, check it out now!)
- The boys are very into sports, and Heather and Matt tag-team to make sure someone is in the stands supporting each boy at each game. The boys get much more than the physical benefits of playing sports, including:
- Being a good teammate and working on relationships
- Learning to prioritize time
- Navigating failure and learning to deal with the ups-and-downs
- The example their coaches are as men of character
- Any married person will tell you that miscommunication is inevitable. Instead of avoiding confrontation, Matt and Heather have learned to fight fair. Let’s be clear here – it doesn’t always happen. But when it does, they keep in mind this guidance:
- Avoid using the word “you.” “You do this,” or “You do that,” can come off as finger-pointing and leads to defensive responses.
- Don’t immediately respond. Heather, in particular, has to pause and listen, and not immediately jump in.
- “I hear Trinia, my girlfriend yell, ‘Matt!’ and over walks Matt Adams, and we’ve been together ever since.” – Heather Adams 8:27
- “What we try to do is model for them the grace that we are extended. We call it ‘clean slate’ in our house. And, we talk about how God gives us a clean slate over and over and over again. No matter how much we mess up.” – Heather Adams 16:47
- “It allows them to unwind and express themselves, or it gives them a chance to talk about stuff they might not normally want to talk about with their brother around.” – Matt Adams 19:45
- “I think, as a parent when they have situations where their feelings are hurt, or they get disappointed – in a situation where you want to come to their defense. But, I think, too, that you have to let them get their own knee scraped up and get themselves off the ground and learn things the hard way. It’s just been on-the-job training in every situation.” – Matt Adams 24:39
- “I’m definitely the nastiest one when we fight.” – Heather… “No comment.” – Matt 36:58
- “What I learned about our marriage from COVID was how critical it is to have a partner. Matt does laundry and dishes and helps order groceries and runs and picks up the kids. And, all of those things are because we are partners, not because it’s my job, and he’s helping out.” – Heather Adams 46:47
Resources and Links from Show:
- Group shot from the friends’ trip
- Heather and Matt the day the met
- Heather and Matt on the dance floor
- Heather and Dixon in NYC
- Healthy Communication Guidelines
- Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath
- Scientology: Fair Game Podcast
- I’ll Be Gone In The Dark
- Catlick Podcast