Episode 32: Mindset Before Next Steps & Prioritizing Female Friendship with Danielle Bayard Jackson
Live Date: Monday, November 9, 2020
Show Description: On today’s episode, Heather is joined by Danielle Bayard Jackson. Danielle is a publicist by day, a friendship coach by night, a mother, a licensed educator, and an author. Danielle and Heather talk about growing a business and entrepreneurship, pursuing multiple passions, modern-day work/life dynamics, navigating layoffs, and one of Heather’s favorite topics: friendship. Stay tuned for practical tips, resources, motivation, and a whole lot of inspiration.
- If you’ve found yourself at a crossroads – in your life, in your work, in your passions – or your work has been affected by COVID, Danielle encourages you to pause and think about these next steps, including:
- Think “mindset” before next steps. Danielle encourages you to find your worth outside of traditional structures and standards. Your identity isn’t in your work – who are you deep down?
- Write down what success looks like to you. Redefine what success looks like to you and get it down on paper.
- Ask God to reveal to you what your next steps are. Put your trust in Him that he will help guide you through the transition.
- Embrace the waiting. And as you wait on Him, remain hopeful, remain connected to people, continue to serve, and do the work in the waiting. And release fear and bitterness in this time of waiting.
- Danielle points out that we value and cherish friendships while simultaneously pushing them to the margins of our lives. We need female friendship, but also don’t prioritize it. She reminds us to be intentional about reaching out and staying in touch. We are busy, but we also need to prioritize the importance of friendship.
- If you are looking to build stronger adult friendships, Danielle says to start with these questions:
- Why do you want closer friendships?
- What need do you expect this to fill?
- What problems will this solve?
- Then Danielle encourages you to remember that:
- It’s possible that you haven’t met your best friend yet. It can happen at any point in your life.
- Some people won’t be right for you. Don’t take it personally if the friendship feelings aren’t reciprocal. Move on and find other people to be friendly with.
- Rework what time with friends looks like and give yourself more options. It doesn’t have to be brunch or an hour on the phone.
- Put the time with friends on your calendar so it happens.
- Be mindful of the times when you are with people – whether on Zoom or out in the world. Take note of the people who make you laugh or you connect with easily. Treat every interaction as a potential friend.
- Be intentional about connection and be friendly.
- “When I was growing up, there was a lot of emphasis on choosing the one career path that would be your destiny. But a few years after college graduation, I realized that I have skills and passions that are too wild to tame with just one solitary job title. So here I am a certified friendship coach, a PR agency owner, a licensed educator and an author because when a woman has work to do she doesn’t limit herself.” – Danielle Bayard Jackson 3:11
- “Friendships and navigating them is not just when you’re in school – not just when you’re a student going from elementary, middle, and high school on to college. It is very much something that you’re navigating as a grown adult woman you know because we go through so many seasons.” – Heather Adams 8:09
- “I have learned a lot about how to even perceive the word balance. I used to think it to mean every day, pour in all the buckets, the wife bucket, the baby bucket. Okay, pour, pour, pour. Okay. Team members, did they feel nurtured every day? And so I was feeling discouraged by the fact that I was unable to do that, man. I have no balance. I’m not pouring in all the buckets every day. And then someone came along and was like, actually, maybe you need to take more of an aerial view. Are you pouring into all the buckets every week or every month? You know, what does balance look like? It doesn’t have to be so concentrated.” – Danielle Bayard Jackson 11:01
- “A friend of mine says ‘work/life harmony’ because what does balance even look like?” – Danielle Bayard Jackson 12:05
- “I have quit using that word ‘balance’ because when I think about it – that’s why I asked you and said work-life dynamic – because when I think about balance, I think about a tightrope walker and how you’re constantly teetering to stay on the tightrope. Right? And just one thing throws you off, and you fall over into the net. And so I, I don’t feel like I, that those things can be, um, have to be mutually exclusive, right? Like I can be an awesome entrepreneur and a great mom. I can be a devoted wife and a phenomenal mentor. Like all of those things don’t have to be mutually exclusive, but I can’t do every one of them simultaneously.” – Heather Adams 13:40
- “You know, you’re going somewhere when suddenly, all of the cliches you’ve heard all of your life become like gems to you. And so hearing like, ‘oh, pursue the hard things’ or ‘do it scared,’ – like I’ve heard all those – but I had to do them. And it was very scary. And I know, you know, you said you went through that, too. And, so you have that moment of, I don’t know what’s ahead, but for me, I will say, I guess that’s where faith plays a role because no, I don’t know what’s ahead, but I had to trust that He, you know, God’s not gonna let me down, and He knows what’s ahead.” – Danielle Bayard Jackson 19:13
- “We often put friendship in the margins of our lives.” – Danielle Bayard Jackson 27:33
- “So many other women are feeling that same sense of lack, but you don’t want to say it because I mean, think about it just even culturally, it’s almost expected that if you’re a woman, of course, you have tons of friends. You’re a girl, how hard is it? Go talk to those other girls and be friends, you know? So I think there’s a little shame around not having close friends as a female because the expectation is that, of course, you do. Um, so it’s like a, well, then what’s wrong with you.” – Danielle Bayard Jackson 33:01
- “So a couple of years ago, the University of Kansas did a study when they were trying to quantify how many hours it takes to have a best friend, like to make friendships. And I’m going to share these numbers with you because I think it’ll help you put a lot of things in perspective in terms of your expectations. So, they found that to have somebody who feels like an associate, it takes 50 hours. Five zero. To feel like a friend where you like, Oh yeah, we’re friends, would take 90 hours. And to find somebody who you’re like, Oh, that’s my best friend, you should have invested 200 hours.” – Danielle Bayard Jackson 37:05
- “We only have space for five close, close, close relationships.” – Danielle Bayard Jackson 38:59
Resources and Links from Show:
- Give it a Rest: The Case for Tough-Love Friendships
- RaQuel Hopkins
- University of Kansas Friendship Study
- Friend Forward with Danielle Bayard Jackson
- For the Woman Who is “Too Busy” for Friendship episode
- Friend Forward Membership